tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921091527205526676.post820205755458979772..comments2007-04-01T16:26:51.337-07:00Comments on New Media Blog: Shitty first draft, indeedTom Kealeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11943493663419602777noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921091527205526676.post-3093313658259301252007-02-24T17:39:00.000-08:002007-02-24T17:39:00.000-08:00Hey Lauren,(Not sure if we're keeping the same fee...Hey Lauren,<BR/><BR/>(Not sure if we're keeping the same feedback groups but you deserve feedback nonetheless)<BR/><BR/>Admittedly I read the skeleton and only skimmed full version. I think you've done a great job of neatening up your story.<BR/><BR/>My first comment though is that it's probably still long for this project. You project 48 pages and with several panels a page... Well it's just a lot of drawing. I'm not quite done with my script but I predict 15 pages (yes I decided ona a comic), which, is over 40 panels, and is making me kind of nervous in and of itself. Don't be afraid to cut stuff out if you're overwhelmed!<BR/><BR/>Little comments:<BR/>- I love the priest bursting in.<BR/>- I'm not sure I'm quite satisfied with the dreamer knowing what to do when she leaves. I want more.<BR/>- I think you could cut the beginning when the dreamer tries to explain the robot families. I feel like if she believes it then it's enough for us to believe it and explanation isn't necessary. (this could also trim your page count just a bit)<BR/>- I really like the franticness of the diary towards the end.<BR/><BR/>GOOD LUCK and let me know if you have any questions. I'm really looking forward to seeing the final project!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11345800527841547431noreply@blogger.com